Never allow someone to be your priority, while allowing yourself to be their option.

Many of us wonder why when we act with compassion this behavior is not given in return.  Think about it this way.  If you are available to listen to a friend in distress, this friend will likely take you up on this offer since she is in need.  She will pour her heart out to you to help relieve her own sadness.  She is in a place of need and not in a place to give.  She has also learned that when she feels sad, she can turn to for unconditional support. As long as you provide this support, this friend will continue to come to you to get her needs met. You have trained her how to get her needs met.  Then the day comes when you are sad and you go to her assuming she will provide the same support to you.  But it may likely not occur because she is confused. She has learned when you connect with each other the conversation is focused on her problems. She does not understand the rules have changed and she does not want them to change. She is fearful if she listens to you, that you will no longer be her primary person to gain support. Your friend may get angry that you have changed the rules of the relationship. You find this friend gives you little in the way of support and you leave her feeling angry and confused. What occurred is that you set up a pattern of taking care of someone else and when you changed the rules, your friend was not prepared. You might think this friend should automatically know what you need since it makes sense to you that you are in pain.  But your friend is not used to seeing you in pain, she is used to you swallowing your pain or thinking you have so little pain you do not need support. When the time comes that you do need help, your friend is confused.  You might think that you chose a bad friend, or perhaps all the friends that you chose do not care about you. In reality your friends want to care but you need to allow them to care BY SHARING PARTS OF YOURSELF AND ASKING FOR WHAT YOU NEED.   Relationships will vacillate between each of you needing support, but if your friend is not able to listen and be supportive then you are having occasional distress, then you may decide this is not a healthy relationship. If you start out a relationships taking care of yourself and your friend, then a healthy pattern is established. If you start out a relationship only giving but not accepting and then change your mind, it may involve taking the time to have a talk with your friend so they can understand your needs and take the time to explain that you are working on taking care of yourself. Remember, if you change the rules of the game in the middle, your friends will need time to understand this change.  The healthiest people start out with reciprocal relationships, but for those perhaps like you, who are showing up late to take care of themsleves, give your friends time to adjust before you assume they will not take the time to care and listen to your needs.